Hal

Hal woke up, he started his car by blowing into the tube attached to the steering wheel. He then went back inside and took two shots of vodka, ate two hard boiled eggs and on the rare occasion like yesterday when he finds orange juice he treats himself to a vodka and orange juice while he showers and does his hair.

Hal is young, his appearance is always immaculate, trimmed nails, buffed and polished, clean suit, high quality old fabric, classic, he even made sure to do his eyebrows once a week. He prides himself in looking sharp despite the fact that the world is crumbling. Somewhat sluggish, Hal makes his way out to his car, he looks around at the browning grass, the little valley after the mountains was the only green for miles, and even their green was starting to look a little, well, brown. Hal sighs, he has no neighbors, they had already gone to fight, or flee.

Hal still hadn’t decided which to do. So he still goes to work.

The world is ending anyway he figures, he might as well enjoy the hellish ride to work in which he will not see a soul. The dust and winds from the dry lands around their little town rocks his car more than his intoxication ever did. Hal knows he’s wrong, and the guilt eats him up at night. He’s not sure why he keeps going in to work, most people have fled, but someone needs to keep what’s left of the local government running. It kept the Government out of town, and she needed the Government out of town. That’s probably why he keeps going in despite the clear negative outcome in the immediate future. Her. His dear sister. He could flee to right before the border, of course he’d have to cross the dry lands to do so.

Hal walks into the office, a bottle of vodka in his briefcase to mix with his coffee. That’s another reason he drags himself to work, only certain people can get things like coffee now, government and Government officials are some of those people. He’d been considering quitting booze, but he didn’t think he’d ever be able to give up caffeine.

“Morning Hal” Brenda says. She had been the secretary at the office for decades. Hal always thought that if she runs he would too, she’s seen it all, the years of love, followed by the years of war, followed by the years of control. Now, smack dab in the middle of the end she’s still unflappable.

Her appearance was also immaculate, she was the one who taught Hal that it was important to look nice despite the times. She always had painted nails, bright purple glasses, the lenses were scratched, minimally, which was impressive with all the sand blowing in from the Northern Desert. Her clothing was threadbare but high quality, Hal was sure she made and mended it herself. There was never a hair out of place, and she had gracefully let her hair grey. He wasn’t sure how she managed to get fabric or thread or nail polish or hairspray but she did. The suit he was wearing was a gift from her when he started a year ago. He never dared ask how she got all of the extras, Hal liked to be comfortable. Being friends with Brenda was as comfortable as it got at this point.

“Morning Brenda, how’s it going?” Hal says.

“One hundred and fifty two” Brenda says. She types away and shakes her head, it was the remaining number of people in the city. A call and response between Hal and the only person in the world who got him.

“Bleak” Hal says. There was no point in elaborating, the writing had been on the wall for a while. Rebel sympathies were too strong in the area, people were bound to disappear. Others were moving to more active areas, this tiny town was too far north. The Rebels were getting ready to move on the Capitol, which was thousands of miles southeast from here. Where there was still rain, so much rain. The Capitol sat on the only high land in the area, it was so defendable it was almost laughable at what they were going to attempt.

If only they knew she was here, they could end it before it even begins, this place would be obliterated without a second thought. Hal laughed, the kind of laugh that started as a noise of disgust, but didn’t quite make it past the irony filter.

“Did you make it here sober?” Brenda said dryly.

“Sort of, I brought backup” Hal said, he pulled out his bottle of vodka and hoisted it up in the air as he twirled and then skipped to the sad stained coffee pot. On the second attempt he was able to get a flame going.

“There’s one can of coffee left” Brenda said. A fleeting look of sadness came across her face before she looked Hal in the eyes, cold.

“Fuck”

“Yeah, you’re not going to be able to get that stuff soon either” she pointed at the bottle of vodka “you should probably start weaning yourself off.”

Hal knew he had to, he definitely didn’t want to, especially now that the coffee was almost gone. He also knew that he had to choose to participate in the up coming war one way or another. For now he was helping hide her, but she’d leave soon enough.

“Yeah I’ll have to talk to doc about it” he said as he waved his hand in dismissal.

“Your sister has to go, it’s getting too hot here” Brenda said, no emotion entering her voice at all.

Hal’s head snapped up. His mouth hung open a little.

“Oh come on Hal I’m not stupid, I know she’s here, one of the other women in The Chain told me” she laughed. “I know everything Hal you should have realized that by now”

Hal hadn’t realized Brenda had been a part of The Chain, he wondered who else she knew. Did she know his sister?

“She’s going to leave soon”. Hal and his sister have a complicated relationship. She is a revolutionary, since they were kids she was always louder, more passionate. Hal was more compassionate, he was a quiet boy and he is a quiet man. He loves his sister deeply, but he’s been cleaning up after her for his whole life. She is a hurricane. People will follow her, and her light will shine on those who can keep up, but those who can’t, well, she didn’t have time to catch them up. They got left behind. Her revolution was the most important thing, and it was, it was the most important thing.

“Well, can it please be before we get bombed?” Brenda said. There was a twinkle in her eye that wasn’t there before, but Hal knew she was not joking. If they found out His sister was there, they would destroy the last 152 people that were just barely surviving here.

“I’ll tell her to go.” Hal said, it was hard because he knew she would leave without question. She wasn’t selfish, even though she left a wake of destruction in her path. He also knew he was probably sending her to her eventual death, that she would fight until the end, that she would keep leaving people in her path.

“If she goes you have to go too” Brenda said.

“I’m not going with her” Hal snapped “I do not want to fight, I have never wanted to fight”

“So don’t go with her” Brenda said “Come with me instead, there is a house, a safe house that would be the last stop before the border crossing”

“So what I’d be a safe house for deserters?”

“For refugees” Brenda’s body language had changed, she was sitting up taller, the spark in her eye had become a flame. “You’re so young Hal, I could use a young person to help the other young people feel safe”.

“I’d still be cleaning up after her” Hal said. He knew he sounded ridiculous, of course he couldn’t stay, someone would find out she hid here. They might not destroy the town once she’s gone, but they would figure out he was the one who hid her.

“Yeah, but you’d be saving people” Brenda smiled, it was a rare gift she would give, it was warm and welcoming and genuine.

“Okay. I’ll talk to her, and tomorrow we leave from here? Together?” Hal felt kind of silly, like he was asking Brenda to a school dance or something. She was thirty years older than him and more like a mother, or a terrifying and awesome aunt. He didn’t like to think about life without her.

“Together Hal” They remained silent for the rest of their day Hal drank one cup of coffee throughout the whole day, with a little bit of vodka in it, but normally he would have a few a day. He would take little sips only when his hands shook. Brenda noticed, she nodded to him as he walked to his car, normally she’d have to start it for him. She did this because “Bureaucracy is the last thing to die, you’re not going to kill anyone but yourself, I hope you don’t”. She would drive him home herself if he was too hammered, but those were rare days.

Hal got home safe, minus the new dents in his windshield from the sand. He walked into his house. His sister was standing there, bags already packed.

“Jacks” He said. Almost too quiet to hear.

“I know I need to go” she said

“Yeah, you’re wanted ya know” Hal loved his sister, and he was pretty sure if anyone could win in the war against oppression it was her. If she couldn’t no one could. “I’m going to keep cleaning up your messes”

“What do you mean?” she said, offended.

Hal raised an eyebrow as he started moving around his apartment putting together the essentials.

“Hal what do you mean” she pressed.

“I just mean, the people the war, your war, is going to displace, the ones that can’t keep up, I’m going to run a safe house for border crossings. I shouldn’t be telling you, but I want you to have somewhere to send people. Jacks I know it hurts you to leave them” Hal says the last part so quickly it all sounds like one word. Jacks knows what he’s saying though, siblings always did.

“So you’re saving people from me” Jacks said. The words were neutral, Hal wasn’t familiar with the feeling he was receiving from her, he thought maybe, she was grateful.

“In a way” he chuckled “Guess mom and dad were right to bet on who was destined for greatness.”

“No” Jacks was firm. She put her arm on Hals “You’re going to save more people than I ever will, and maybe someday, you’ll save me” Jacks had the look in her eye, the one that thrilled and scared Hal. The one that meant they were about to get into trouble.

Hal’s hands were shaking, he went over and poured himself a shot of vodka, but instead of taking it all at once he sipped slowly until his hands stopped shaking. Then he stopped. He sighed. This was going to take a long time.

“You’re quitting?” Jacks looked impressed, she had never touched the stuff herself, but everyone knew stopping suddenly could kill you.

“Gotta stay sharp, the only people who will make it to me will either be well funded or well equipped with the skills to kill me”

Jacks choked on her laugh “You’re not wrong, you’re really going to cross the desert?” she points out the window at Hal’s car. “In that thing?”

“Hey leave her alone she’s been through some stuff, like us all” Hal knew his little car wasn’t beautiful, but it was trustworthy and the air conditioning still worked. That was all anyone could ask for around here. That’s when he heard a horn, two swift honks and one slightly longer one.

“That’s me” Jack’s said “be careful brother, and write to me from your new home. In the code we used as kids, it’ll get to me and I will know where to send my damaged.” She pressed a piece of paper into his hand.

“Your damaged? Stop talking like that it’s weird and gross” Hal said. He opened the door to see a very nice electric armored vehicle with solar panels attached to the side. So both sides had tricks. It’s not like he didn’t expect it, it was just strange to watch his sister treated as royalty. It was even stranger to hear her talking like it, and stranger still to see military grade equipment in front of his house.

“Goodbye Hal, I hope you find some sort of meaning as ‘my cleanup guy’ I never expected you to participate in my war, but I am grateful for the knowledge that there are people like you along the way”

It made Hal very uncomfortable that she referred to it as her war, even though he had often said it himself. “Goodbye Jacks, be careful, I will try to be in touch, or someone in The Chain will” he hadn’t meant to say that last part. He didn’t want Jacks to know about The Chain’s involvement.

“Aha” was her only answer. She squeezed his hand and walked out, two guards had gotten out of the car to take her luggage.

Hal was alone. He held on to the idea that he was going away with Brenda tomorrow. Alone was his worst state, he was the worst of himself when he was alone. Hal had read a lot about what he was, and he knew that it was common, but knowledge didn’t bring him peace when he was alone. As it would otherwise. He concentrated on packing and destroying any evidence of himself. He would alternate between the two, and when his hands shook he sipped from his shot glass until they didn’t. Before he knew it it was dawn and the worst of the night was over, though he knew he was not closed to finished with the detox, he knew he wouldn’t be alone for the rest of it.

He drove into the office, parked in the lot, he didn’t see Brenda’s car, but the light was on in the window, so he figured maybe she had walked. Knowing they would drive together.

When Hal turned the corner into the office it was dead silent. There was a folder, a laptop, a map, and a gps sitting on the counter.

The folder contained IDs and information on the first group that would arrive at their safe house in ten days. The laptop had a video player already open. Brenda was on the screen

“Information about The Chain has been leaked and they are coming for me.” Brenda’s face gave nothing away “I must lead them away, as you saw in the files I left some of the people coming to the safe house are children. Someone with all the information has to be there when they arrive. Everything is here. New identities, phone numbers and codes for the other houses in the route” she paused, for the first time since Hal had met her Brenda not only looked her age, but she looked sad. Hal felt uncomfortable, he didn’t know how to react. He kept watching.

“I’m sorry Hal, I know you stayed because I did, and leaving you is unfair. This is the best thing to do to protect the most amount of people. The map marks the way, there’s enough water and supplies in my car which I have placed in the spot I first knew you. It has a better chance of making the drive than your piece of crap. Theres also a packing list, and instructions for everything in my truck.” Hal laughed at this, a chuckle then somewhat hysterically, he hit pause so he could enjoy how little faith Brenda had in him. “Just in case. I have my set of spare keys in my desk. Don’t go back to my house, it’s not safe there. Goodbye Hal, thanks for making it tolerable. One Hundred and Fifty”

“Bleak” Hal said, out of habit more than anything else.

Hal was floored, he had only agreed to leave because he would have the only person who gave a shit with him. Brenda was right though, and she knew him. She knew exactly what to say that there were children at stake immediately. She knew it was the only thing likely to light a fire under him. Kids, the only time when his instinct for self-preservation was kicked to the back of his mind.

Hal knew his options at this point, march with the rebels and see blood and war and his sisters inevitable martyrdom, become an outlander and hope he could learn to live off the destroyed land, which he was doubtful or become part of The Chain and save the people neither side was willing to protect, and to protect the people either side was unwilling to lose.

Hal was always Jacks younger brother. That was his whole identity. They were just the right number of years apart, five, too far to like the same things, but too close to be incomparable. This movement, this choice would make him something else. To some it would make him a coward, not choosing a side, to others it would make him a hero, saving those who otherwise wouldn’t be saved. He didn’t care, Brenda’s voice echoed in his head “there are children”. To him he was taking a side, the side of people who didn’t want to fight, the side of people who are too tired, too young, or too old to fight.

He grabbed the map, the safe house was in the middle of a mostly evacuated city, he thought maybe The Chain had more houses in the immediate area since it looked slightly more suburban. It was only 300 miles away, under a days drive.

Hal packed everything on the list she had left in his backpack, went and grabbed Brenda’s spare keys, he also grabbed the last can of coffee and the pot, he figured he’d need it for at least a bit as he drained his blood of the other poison he had diluted it with. His hands were shaking, but he didn’t want to take a drink before driving to the safe house. Especially in Brenda’s car. She’d find a way to punch him in the face even if she was dead.

He pulled his car next to Brenda’s truck, it was in fact, filled with supplies. It looked like enough for a month, not a few hours. Hal wondered how concerned she was about getting stuck in the dry lands. “The spot where I first knew you” was a well hidden clearing he had accidentally driven his car into on the way home from a particularly difficult week. He hadn’t hurt anyone, or himself, Brenda found him, sobered him up at her house, and brought him to work the next morning, hangover and all. Hal shook his head, the old bitch really had known him.

Naively, Hal hoped that being discovered meant Brenda had to run and hide elsewhere, deep down he knew he wouldn’t see her again. No matter what her outcome was. He regretted that, she had taught him everything important he knew, and he could tell by the contents of her survival packs she had more to teach him still.

Hal drove to the edge of the desert, he could only see a few miles in front of him, there he could see the outside of the storms that always blew. Before that the desert was silent, empty, flat. Hal was grateful he was in Brenda’s truck. His mind was finally clear for the first time in a long time. He turned around to see the shock of green against the mountains. The place he had always known as home.

His hands shook, Hal felt different though, he was at peace with what was going to happen. Hal looked upon his future. He whispered, so quiet it was lost in the wind “Engulfed in the desert’s parched silence, I was nothing but another grain of sand”.

The events in this story take place thirty years before the events in “Tam’s Story” and “First Step”