The Ensoiled Midwife And The Earth-Birthin’s

The Ensoiled Midwife And The Earth-Birthin’s��

a story about a farmer�

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Jedd Topsoilio had woken up before the break of dawn every day for his entire life, he told people. People who knew him since he had taken over the family farm could verify this back to that point, and the way he labored, it wouldn’t be unbelievable that it was also true when he was a baby. So it was again this day that he was up and ready by the time the Sunmoon began entering its Moon phase, a process that made the entire sky pink, which was caused by radiation from the alchemical occurrences inside the Sunmoon itself that turned night into day. At least, this was what the alscientists at the University Laboratorium claimed. Jedd just knew that �sky of pink, time to stink, from farm work.� Jedd would normally step off of his porch at this time to get out into the fields, but today he took a different direction; upward, not via the great flying machines they had at the capital, but simply stairs, to the room of his son.�

Jeddtwo looked a lot like Jedd, but instead of Jedd�s dry, aged, cracked skin that looked like a dry, aged, cracked cheese, Jeddtwo�s skin was oily and blemished by teenagerdom. Unlike Jedd�s beard that was like the head of a broom, Jeddtwo had a smaller beard. And unlike Jedd�s calloused hands, Jeddtwo�s were pristine, free of the strain of farm work, as he had never been allowed to work the fields. Until today.�

Jeddtwo was already up, or rather, he had never managed to get to sleep the night before. He looked at his father with bloodshot eyes and, nevertheless, an eagerness.

�Pa, I know I look like shit, I couldn’t get to sleep. I was too excited,� Jeddtwo said. �Can I still start today?�

�If I don’t let you, you’re just goin to not sleep again tomorrow. We have to get the first day out of the way. I was the same way when my father showed me.� Jedd smiled at his son, and led him downstairs and out the door. The rest of the family got to sleep. Jedd closed the door behind him as they stepped out to the porch. �Don’t let your mother hear you say �shit.���

The Topsoilio family field was impressive for one run by a family this relatively small. The Earl�s new farming initiative that used machines to work vast fields of land was quickly becoming the norm, and was optional, for now. Jedd would do it his way as long as he could, and when the Earl inevitably made it a problem, he’d go down to the palace and see if he couldn’t make his case. But today he was able to show his son the Topsoilio way of doing things. So the Topsoilio Farm remained a few acres of tilled soil surrounded by a sturdy wall of wood and steel. A nearby toolshed held their tools, which they stopped at first to get their assorted implements, various sticks with various pieces attached to them.

Jeddtwo followed his father. They walked towards the crops, rows of hardy vegetables that had been sprouts the day before. Jeddtwo grew antsy as he noticed the vines of each crop beginning to intertwine with the neighboring plant.�

�Pa, how long do we have until one of them��

�No matter how early I get up, by the time I do, a few already have.� Jedd knelt down to inspect ropes that laced the entirety of the field, tied around the base of the crops in a way that somehow conveyed information to him. �We are blessed on this day, maybe because it’s your first. There’s only one.�

Jedd led Jeddtwo to a spot on the field, his son unsure of how he determined where this spot was supposed to be. In a lonely corner, multiple eggplant plants had grown into each other to take the shape of a man, a seven foot tall man rooted to the earth, made of writhing green and bolstered with internal organs of the robust eggplant grown on the Topsoilio farm. It turned to the Jedds immediately and glared at them with a featureless face.

Jeddtwo gasped. �Sorry. Sorry, I just never saw one this close.�

�Don’t be afraid of it, son.�

�Is it more afraid of me than I am of it?�

�Absolutely not,� Jedd said. �They are fearless. In a way, I admire them for that.�

�Do I have to be the one to do it?� Jeddtwo asked, fidgeting a little.

�No, you just watch. An old man still needs his exercise.� Jedd set down his tools and opened a small metal case with pieces of straw inside. He picked one and put it into his mouth to chew, and then cracked his knuckles. The sound could have been mistaken for the cocking of a gun, one of those cannon-ettes the Earls gave to soldiers they trusted. Jedd shook the thought, those days were behind him. He approached the plantoid.�

It had no eyes, but sensing the shifting of the air as Jedd walked towards it allowed it to stare him down as if it did. The Sunmoon was now more Sun than Moon, and the plantoid�s photosynthesis fed its green and purple muscles to the point of bulging. It knew this, and flexed at Jedd in a display of aggression.

�The sun makes em stronger, you see,� Jedd said as he walked.

�Why not come deal with them when its still dark out?� Jeddtwo asked, keeping his distance.

Jedd chuckled. �I thought of that too, when I was your age. Turns out I’d rather fight them when they’re stronger than fight them in the dark.��

The plantoid stared him down, tilting its head in a way that was eerily human. Jeddtwo felt himself grow sick inside. This thing was six hours old at most and it looked like it was smarter than him.

The moment Jedd was close enough, the plantoid punched him. A hefty fist of eggplant collided with his face.�

�Pa, what the hell? Don’t let it hit you!�

�I’m an old man, they get in a few hits sometimes. That’s just how it is.� The eggplantoid struck again, and this time Jedd caught its fist in his. He crushed it with his fingers, breaking the thick skin of the eggplant matter making up its crude mockery of a human hand, and then yanked it towards him so he could punch it in the face with his free fist.�

They exchanged blows. Man versus vegetable, one of the great conflicts the traveling playwrights loved to go on about, like man versus man or god or self. They fought in silence besides the audible collisions of flesh and bone against vegetable and vine, for vine was the way most plants grew these days, except trees, but Jedd didn’t grow trees because he preferred being alive.�

Jeddtwo watched his father box the plant. His father’s age showed, when Jedd took hits that he shouldn’t have. But his father’s age also showed when he hit back like someone who had been doing this his whole life. The eggplantoid was six hours old at most, remember.

Jedd took a hit to his forearm, better than taking it to his face, but it was going to be a bad one. It would slow him down for the next week. Without Jeddtwo’s help, he would have had to hire workers from town to make sure the farm didn’t overgrow. Now, his son could lessen the consequences of his own mistakes� it still startled him when he thought things that reminded him of his own father, things his father would think but also say out loud, often, sometimes drunkenly.�

Jedd eventually made his way past the eggplantoid�s defenses, and was face to face with him. It saw him eyelessly, and when you got close enough you could tell it wasn’t fueled by malice. It was just alive, doing its thing. �But so am I,� Jedd thought. He plunged his fist into the plant�s chest and pulled out the eggplant that had become its heart. It beat like a human heart until it was removed, at which point the entire knot of vines snapped and retracted. The eggplants were once again individual plants. The eggplant man was no longer.�

Jeddtwo ran over, now that the thing was over. When an eggplant vine whipped at his leg, he shrieked.�

�S�alright, just a little leftover enthusiasm,� Jedd said.�

�You’re bleeding,� Jeddtwo told him.

�You should see the other guy.� Jedd bit into the eggplant heart. Eggplant fluid dribbled down his beard.

�Pa, why is it like this? At school they said it used to be different. Took longer to grow, and they didn’t even move around by themselves.�

�My father didn’t believe that, and I used to not believe that myself,� Jedd said. He sat down in the dirt and patted the spot next to him. Jeddtwo followed suit. �But the story goes that people made the world so bad that the world had to toughen up, and now we’re payin for it. We’ve been on the defense now for a long time. That’s why we have the wall to keep any more son-of-a-bitchin plants from gettin in. And why animals get the way they do. You know they used to just stop growing at a certain point in their life?�

Jeddtwo laughed, more out of relief that his father was okay enough to talk after all that, but still, the idea of an animal not growing for the duration of its entire life was like a fairy tale. �Yeah, that would be-� Jeddtwo stopped and his face went white. The alscientists at the University said this was caused by the blood draining from one�s face when frightened, but the common folklore believed by the Topsoilios suggested this was the body knowing its time was up and preparing to become a ghost.

Jedd followed his son�s line of sight to the fleshy crest poking out from behind the nine foot tall stalks.�

�Aw, hell.� Jedd got back up. He cocked his knuckles. �The chicken got out again.�

• Image Acknowledgement: title card image by Michael Awadalla
• AI Free Acknowledgement: This is my own work and has not been generated in whole or in part by AI